Who are you when it comes to being in a relationship?


We often go into relationships or back on the dating scene without considering the roles we play— and why would we? It’s not something that we would consider on a conscious level.  We don’t meet someone and then think to ourselves, “I wonder what role I play, or how I want to be seen in my relationship or by my date?” and then build a structure around this and implement it like a business plan.

However, if you did think about this for just one moment, what would you come up with? I would ask you just to take some time to drill down a bit and see what ideas you came up with, as it may not sound as cold and impersonal as you might originally first think!

If you can imagine putting a business plan together or going to the bank for a loan, for example, you would be:

  • Prepared and know what you are asking to borrow.

  • You would look the part for the meeting.

  • You would be calm, polite and approachable.

  • You would communicate your needs to the bank manager to ensure they are clear in what you are asking for.

  • Check what the terms and conditions of this loan would be.

  • You would make arrangements for payment or ask for feedback if they did not except request for a loan etc etc.

These are only a few small amounts of actions you would take into consideration if you were to do this, so why would it be so unreasonable to identify your role in a relationship or when you’re getting back in to the dating scene again? If you think about this logically rather than emotionally, who are you in relationships with friends, family, partners? Are they the same, or do these roles change? 

Do you see yourself being the person…

  • That gives more than receives, or do you create a balance?

  • That has or has no boundaries?

  • That always leads or follows?

  • That is the organiser, or do you need someone to organise you?

  • That holds the responsibility for your social life, or do you let the other person do this for you?

  • That arranges all financial matters and plans for the future or not?

  • That is spontaneous or the safe secure one?

In conclusion, who do you want to be? Without taking the time to work this out about yourself, how do we ever grow and learn from one relationship to another? Or is it the case that you just consider what you do not want from a relationship and then leave it up to chance again, repeating the same mistakes and ultimately attracting the same types of relationships that don’t work?