Creating Your Relationship Goals 


You will hear many stories of why setting goals is important to then strive for what you seek. Setting goals covers all areas in our lives. If we are unclear of what we want or are looking for, how do we achieve our dreams and aspirations? The most successful people know exactly what they’re aiming for then put in timelines, goals, visual aids, and actions on how to achieve what they have set out to do.

In my work as a coach and therapist I often use a model to help support with helping clients to identify what their goals are, be this a practical or emotional goal. 

It is ok not to know, too, and some of us need support to work through what we want from our lives and understand what is preventing us from achieving what we are seeking. You could argue this is a huge majority of the population, especially when we are caught up in the emotional restrictions we put on ourselves. The most common one being, “I not clever enough” and “no one will believe in me so I don’t want to be exposed”.


Whatever is restricting you or if you are not sure how to figure it out, hopefully this exercise will give you a very simple starting point.


I am going to use the example of wanting to be in a healthy relationship with a new partner. (If you have a pattern of having unhealthy relationships, please see my exercise on ‘healthy relationships.)


To be with a partner in a healthy and loving relationship.


  • To share my life with someone that is going to love and respect me

  • That adds quality to my life not be all of my life

  • Someone that can share the good and bad times together

  • To have someone that wants to share similar interests and enjoy new experiences

  • To feel part of a team and be in it together

  • To have fun and have an intimate connection


  • Joining social groups

  • Look at starting a new hobby that you would like to share with a partner, i.e cooking, photography etc

  • Asking friends and family if they know anyone that would be a good match for you

  • Joining a dating agency

  • Going to mixer events for singles.

  • Going on singles holidays

  • Have coaching or therapy to deal with emotional or practical blocks


  • Over the next month I am going to research opportunities in my area, contact them and book in my diary.

  • Commit to attending and doing one thing from my list each week.

What would be different if I achieved my goal?

  • I would feel more positive and motivated in my outlook/future

  • I would be happy that I have someone to share my life with

  • I would feel that I have someone to share experiences with

  • Have joint and individual goals that can be shared and can work towards together with support from one another

  • Past relationships will not be defining me in future relationships

What would your relationship look like?

This section is a visualisation piece, which will be unique to your above answers. Your can create a vision board or write down how you see yourself being in a relationship under this section. You can spend time each day creating your picture of what your life would look like in your mind’s eye, visualising if you were in a happy healthy relationship— thinking where you would live, what lifestyle you would like to live, where you would travel to be with that special person, etc.


The key is once you have completed this it is important to keep this in your focus and refer to this at least 3-4 times a week, the more you do this the more focus you will have on achieving it!!