Goals can help you achieve change

June 2020| 4 mins to read

Setting goals can be an effective way of identifying and achieving what you are seeking to change in your life.  Not all goals are practical, you can set emotional goals, such as to improve your low self-esteem/worth.  Once you have identified what you want to achieve, goals can provide you with the steps to help you make this happen.

Goals can help you achieve change!

In my work as a counsellor, trainer, and coach, I often use goal setting and various models to help support clients to identify what they are seeking to achieve. Goals are not only practical but can be useful to set for emotional aims too. 

Setting goals can cover all areas in your life where you feel you want to grow and develop in some shape or form. It is not always clear what you want, or what you are looking work towards in your life. You can often think to yourself, ‘how do I achieve my dreams and aspirations?’ If you have not been shown or taught to believe in this way, it can feel impossible to know where to start.

The most successful ways of reaching your goals are by putting in place timelines, visual aids, and actions on how to achieve what you have set out to do. 

Sometimes you may need support to work through and understand what you want to gain from your life. It is common to be ‘wrapped up’ in some emotional ‘stuckness’ that stops you from being able to focus on yourself!  If negative thoughts plague you and you struggle with your self worth, it is hardly likely you are going to be able to set goals. Whatever is restricting you, or if you are not sure how to figure it out, hopefully, this example will give you a straightforward starting point. (If you feel that nothing feels achievable then coaching or counselling may help you.)

I am going to use the example of wanting to be in a ‘healthy relationship with a new partner’. It is important to remember when setting out a goal that you are ‘specific’ in what you are seeking to achieve.

What is the goal that I want to achieve? 

To be with a partner in a healthy, supportive and loving relationship

Why is this goal important for me to achieve in my life now? 

  • To share my life with someone that is going to love and respect me.
  • That adds quality to my life and is not the be-all of my life.
  • Someone that I can share the good and bad times with.
  • To have someone that wants to share similar interests and enjoy new experiences.
  • To feel part of a team and be ‘in it’ together.
  • To have fun and have an intimate connection.

What do I need to do to achieve this goal?

  • Join social groups.
  • Look at starting a new hobby that you would like to share with a partner, i.e. cooking, photography etc.
  • Ask friends and family if they know anyone that would be a good match for you.
  • Join a dating agency.
  • Go to mixer events for singles.
  • Go on singles holidays.
  • Have coaching or therapy to deal with emotional or practical blocks.

When am I going to start achieving my goal?

  • Over the next month, I am going to research opportunities in my area, contact them and book them in my diary.
  • Commit to attending and doing one thing from my list each week.
  • What would be different if I achieved my goal?
  • I would feel more positive and motivated in my outlook/future.
  • I would be happy that I have someone to share my life with.
  • I would feel that I have someone to share experiences with.
  • Have joint and individual goals that can be shared and worked towards together with support from one another.

What would be different if I achieved my goal?

  • I would feel more positive and motivated in my outlook/future.
  • I would be happy that I have someone to share parts of my life with.
  • I would feel that I have someone to share experiences with.
  • Have joint and individual goals that can be shared.

What would a healthy relationship look like if I achieved my goal?

This section is a visualisation piece, which will be unique to your above answers. You can create a vision board, or write down how you see yourself being in a relationship under this header. You may want to spend 10 minutes a day visualising what your life would look like if you were in a happy and healthy relationship.

ā€¨Create a mental picture of what you see happening in your relationship, and imagine being with your new partner for example.

  • I can see myself laughing and cuddling up with that my partner.
  • I can see us travelling to Paris, visiting the Eiffel Tower, and asking them to be my partner officially.
  • I can see me moving in with my partner.
  • I see us having two children.

‘The aim of having a healthy and loving relationship is to invite someone into your life that adds quality to your life, not to be everything in your life. You firstly need to have a positive relationship with yourself, before you can have a positive relationship with someone else. Loving yourself is important to allow another to love you’.

If goal planning is an area of interest to you, and you would like to have some support in identifying your goals, or you feel ’emotionally stuck’, feel free to contact me for further information or make an appointment.